Larry King, just before Yom Kippur, called Stephen Colbert to “apologize”:
King: So sorry I didn’t have you on to explain your actions to America after that horrible scandal of yours.
Colbert: Um, actually, Larry, no one knows about that yet.
King: Oh, good. You know why? Because it’s disgusting. It’s a carnival of depravity, it’s a hideous inhuman debasement that would surely end your career.
Colbert: Again, Larry, no one knows about it yet, um, but when they do, I promise, I’ll come on your show to beg for forgiveness.
King: I’ll keep a seat warm for you, kid!
Archives for September 2009
That’s what he gets for setting up a Day of Atonement phone line
by Jane Wangersky September 30th, 2009 | Humor, Late Night TV
Who’s Reading These Books?
by Michele September 29th, 2009 | Humor
TheBookseller.com collects recommendations and receives voting on the books with the oddest titles annually. Check out this year's winners.
1. The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-miligram Containers of Fromage Frais
Are there many concerns about 60-milligram containers? What about 40-milligram containers?
2. Baboon Metaphysics
Why baboons and not capuchin monkeys?
3. Curbside Consultation of the Colon
Most people are not excited for colon consultations but on a curbside sounds even worse!
4. Strip and Knit with Style
So, do you strip, then knit? Sounds like a chilly way to make a sweater.
5. The Large Sieve and its Applications
This book has more than a couple pages?
1. The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-miligram Containers of Fromage Frais
Are there many concerns about 60-milligram containers? What about 40-milligram containers?
2. Baboon Metaphysics
Why baboons and not capuchin monkeys?
3. Curbside Consultation of the Colon
Most people are not excited for colon consultations but on a curbside sounds even worse!
4. Strip and Knit with Style
So, do you strip, then knit? Sounds like a chilly way to make a sweater.
5. The Large Sieve and its Applications
This book has more than a couple pages?
Letterman Calls it “Madman Hour”
by Jane Wangersky September 28th, 2009 | Humor, Late Night TVNo, not those Mad Men:
It was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and he gave a speech at the UN and said he hated the U.S., he hated Israel, and he hated that dumb pedestrian mall on Broadway.
But he did say that if Iran is given access to uranium, he promises not to make weapons, and I say, hey, that’s good enough for me.
Qadaffi’s speech at the UN was so long even the audience started pitching tents. . . . The guy is so desperate to find a place to stay, he actually attempted to get Madonna to adopt him.
--David Letterman
Maybe they just don’t trust anyone who’d hire Hillary Clinton . . .
by Jane Wangersky September 25th, 2009 | Humor, Late Night TV
David Letterman asked President Obama if there was anything to the idea that people are opposing his health plan because of racism, and Obama said, “I think it’s important to realize that I was actually black before the election.”
So, it must be something else. Let’s see, before the election Obama was not:
· 48 years old
· a dog owner
· sharing a home with his mother-in-law
· Commander-in-Chief
Maybe it makes more sense to ask if his opponents are biased against people in their late forties, dogs, live-in grandmothers, or military officials.
So, it must be something else. Let’s see, before the election Obama was not:
· 48 years old
· a dog owner
· sharing a home with his mother-in-law
· Commander-in-Chief
Maybe it makes more sense to ask if his opponents are biased against people in their late forties, dogs, live-in grandmothers, or military officials.
Climate Summits Can Be Amusing
by Michele September 24th, 2009 | Humor, Late Night TV
I know that traffic is insane out there. It’s because of the United Nations climate week. And over 150 world leaders are here, including President Obama. It’s good to see all these guys get in their separate cars, commuting back and forth to the U.N., to discuss ways to improve our climate.
--Jimmy Fallon
President Obama spoke at the U.N. climate change summit. And he promised to get greenhouse gas emissions back to the level they were at in 1990. And just to show you he’s serious to get back to 1990, Obama gave the whole speech dressed as Kid from Kid
--Jimmy Fallon
President Obama spoke at the U.N. climate change summit. And he promised to get greenhouse gas emissions back to the level they were at in 1990. And just to show you he’s serious to get back to 1990, Obama gave the whole speech dressed as Kid from Kid
