A 67-year-old New York man is suing a Bronx hospital after paramedics threw out his ear. This guy had his ear bitten off, and rather than bring the ear to the hospital and re-attach it, they threw it away. Now the guy’s demanding a hearing. . .I know, it’s a stupid joke. Thank you, good night, everybody, my career is over!
. . . if you don't buy health insurance, you can go to jail for five years. They say it'll prevent freeloaders of the system. Yeah, but — well, if they do go to jail, won't they get free health
Archives for November 2009
Triangle at Twilight
by Jane Wangersky November 27th, 2009 | Humor, Late Night TV
David Germain asks:
And Jay Leno says:
Where would Hollywood be without that old standby, the vampire-werewolf-schoolgirl love triangle? . . . Mopey teenage Bella has all the luster of, well, a mopey teenager. The real rivalry between the werewolves and vampires is to see which species can behave with greater preposterousness and pretension.
And Jay Leno says:
How many have seen this New Moon movie? See, I don’t understand this Bella chick. Why can’t she date both the vampire and the werewolf? I mean, the werewolf can’t go out at night, the vampire can’t go out during the day . . .
More Turkey, Anyone?
by Michele November 26th, 2009 | Humor
In case you don't get enough turkey at the dinner table today, here's a little more:
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove that he wasn't a chicken!
Q: What kind of weather does a turkey like?
A: Fowl weather.
Q: What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
A: Nothing they are stuffed already.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: He had drumsticks.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove that he wasn't a chicken!
Q: What kind of weather does a turkey like?
A: Fowl weather.
Q: What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
A: Nothing they are stuffed already.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: He had drumsticks.
Internet vs. Telegram, World of Warcraft vs. War, Swine Flu vs. the Plague
by Jane Wangersky November 25th, 2009 | Humor
Chris Stevens (via Slashdot) compares modern technology – unfavourably – with what they had in the past:
. . . the telegram held a mystery and beauty that Microsoft Outlook's Fisher-Price clumsiness can't seem to muster. There was something elegant and dramatic about unfolding a message from Aunt Trudy explaining that Uncle Frank had broken his rib falling off the roof of the farm while painting the weathercock.
He imagines transporting a World of Warcraft player to an actual medieval battle, but I suspect many of them would be in trouble if they found themselves transported to plain
. . . the telegram held a mystery and beauty that Microsoft Outlook's Fisher-Price clumsiness can't seem to muster. There was something elegant and dramatic about unfolding a message from Aunt Trudy explaining that Uncle Frank had broken his rib falling off the roof of the farm while painting the weathercock.
He imagines transporting a World of Warcraft player to an actual medieval battle, but I suspect many of them would be in trouble if they found themselves transported to plain
Universal Children
by Jane Wangersky November 23rd, 2009 | Humor
Steve Murray imagines how Universal Children’s Day got started:
Of course, what really matters is that (according to Murray), you can use it as an excuse not to go to work.
“So, it looks like June 1 is International Children’s Day.”
“What? We’re the United Nations! WE decide what days are when! Let’s beat them at their own game, Gary. What’s bigger than international?”
“Um, the . . . the universe?”
“Exactly! We’ll call it Universal Children’s Day. Inclusive to our beautiful blue planet and any others out there in the galaxy! Suck on that, ‘International’!”
“Uhhh, okay.”
Of course, what really matters is that (according to Murray), you can use it as an excuse not to go to work.
