Sixteen Individuals Recognized for Outstanding Service to Crime . . .
You know, this self-esteem thing has gone too far. Even if they have put a lot of time and effort into their crimes, they don't deserve -- oh, wait. It's " service to crime VICTIMS".
Minneapolis Man Pleads Guilty to Robbing a St. Louis Park Bank
What, they don't have banks in Minneapolis?
Biden Kicked off Wounded Warrior Soldier Ride
Well, he's not a wounded veteran, after all. Still, it seems kind of harsh . . . Oh. It's "KICKS off".
Woodruff Teller Admits $520k Embezzlement
You can always tell a woodruff, but you can't
Archives for April 2010
Decisions, Decisions
by Michele April 29th, 2010 | Humor, Late Night TV
It was announced that Former President Bush's book, Decision Points, will be released on November 9th. With that announcement, the pundits shared their thoughts:
It will be centered on 14 decisions President Bush made during his presidency. See, this should silence the critics who claim Dick Cheney made all of the decisions. This book will prove Bush made at least 14 of them.
--Jay Leno
Bush is making last-minute revisions right now. As a matter of fact, his computer screen is covered with whiteouts.
It’s about 14 key decisions that George W. Bush made in his life. For
It will be centered on 14 decisions President Bush made during his presidency. See, this should silence the critics who claim Dick Cheney made all of the decisions. This book will prove Bush made at least 14 of them.
--Jay Leno
Bush is making last-minute revisions right now. As a matter of fact, his computer screen is covered with whiteouts.
It’s about 14 key decisions that George W. Bush made in his life. For
Weird Gun Laws
by Jane Wangersky April 28th, 2010 | Humor
The man with a gun who attempted to meet President Obama has been charged with "going armed to the terror of the public", an offense in North Carolina.
It's also a crime to take a gun to church in Virginia "without good and sufficient reason". Does the pastor get to decide what that is?
In Washington State, you can own a silencer, but you can’t use it. The law forbids using “any contrivance or device for suppressing the noise of any firearm" . (What’s the difference between a contrivance and a device?)
Florida doesn’t allow guns in “any place of nuisance”. Like
It's also a crime to take a gun to church in Virginia "without good and sufficient reason". Does the pastor get to decide what that is?
In Washington State, you can own a silencer, but you can’t use it. The law forbids using “any contrivance or device for suppressing the noise of any firearm" . (What’s the difference between a contrivance and a device?)
Florida doesn’t allow guns in “any place of nuisance”. Like
Dry Facism
by Michele April 27th, 2010 | Humor, Late Night TV
This week Arizona signed the toughest illegal immigration law in the country, which would allow police to demand identification papers from anyone they suspect is in the country illegally. I know there are some people in Arizona worried that Obama is acting like Hitler, but can we all agree there is nothing more Nazi than saying, "Show me your papers?" There's never been a World War 2 movie that didn't include the line, "Show me your papers." It's their catch phrase. Every time someone says, "Show me your papers," Hitler's family gets a residual check.
So, heads up, Arizona. That's
So, heads up, Arizona. That's
But what does his agent say his skin color is?
by Jane Wangersky April 26th, 2010 | Humor
Conan O'Brien gets personal on Twitter:
It took a trip to the Seattle Fish Market to learn my skin color is "Halibut White."
Today is my first real day off from touring. I'm home enjoying what my agent tells me is my family.
I'm sending a tweet from inside Twitter HQ. I'll bet those hot girls in high school wish they had slept with me now.
I'm doing my live show tonight from the Universal lot where I taped The Tonight Show. So if a shot rings out, tell my wife I loved her.
It took a trip to the Seattle Fish Market to learn my skin color is "Halibut White."
Today is my first real day off from touring. I'm home enjoying what my agent tells me is my family.
I'm sending a tweet from inside Twitter HQ. I'll bet those hot girls in high school wish they had slept with me now.
I'm doing my live show tonight from the Universal lot where I taped The Tonight Show. So if a shot rings out, tell my wife I loved her.
