As I cross the Fruited Plain on my campaign journey, one common question I’m asked is “What are you doing in my front lawn?” But another, more pertinent question is “How are you different from every other lying, weaselly politician out there?” And that, my friend, I can answer in one word: “Awesomeness”.
You’ve hear that President Obama pursues “peace through appeasement” and that the Republicans believe in “peace through strength”? Well, I will implement a stern policy of “peace through awesomeness.” My America will be so awesome that everyone will want to be our friend and there will be no wars. Except maybe if two countries get into a fight about which one is our best friend, they might have a war with each other. But we’ll be left out of it so it will be OK.
Vote Rowe for a USA that stands for the United States of Awesomeness.
Think your ideals and campaign are great and would love to join. Do you have any positions concerning animals, such as animal control, ambassador to animals, or crazy cat lady? Would also like to contribute to your campaign.
I will leave my contribution under the planter in my front yard in case I am not at home when you come door to door. So, bring your awesomeness here so that we may gaze upon it. Long live the GCP!
Roxanne B. -
Thanks for your support. I went to the house of every Roxanne B. in my local phone book, but I didn’t find any money under a planter. I did get chased away twice by angry homeowners, though. That was a nice opportunity to get out and meet the electorate.
For your exceptional contributions to the Rowe campaign, I hereby appoint you Animal Czar.