Archives for Humor
Camels Out-Predict Comedians
by Jane Wangersky February 6th, 2012 | Humor
Well, Princess the Camel was right, Conan O'Brien was wrong. (Ron was also right: The winning team's name begins with "New".) So, the next time you're wondering which team to bet on, don't pay any attention to comedians, no matter how famous. Do what Princess' manager does there at Popcorn Park zoo in New Jersey: Write a team name on each hand, grab graham crackers in both, and hold them out to the nearest camel. If you can't find any camels in your neighborhood, try it with a cat and some cans of tuna. Or
Super Bowl XLVI
by Ronald A. Rowe February 3rd, 2012 | Humor
As a columnist, I'm often asked to give an opinion on topics that I pretend to know a lot about. This time, I've been asked to make my prediction for the Super Bowl. So without any further fanfare, here are my iron-clad, double-your-money-back guaranteed, sure-fire, no-fail predictions for Super Bowl XLVI.
1) The winning team name will start with "New". Guaranteed. Book it now.
2) More people will be talking about the commercials than the game around the water cooler on Monday morning. (Does anyone actually stand around the water cooler and chit-chat at work?)
3) Why XLVI? Who uses Roman numerals
1) The winning team name will start with "New". Guaranteed. Book it now.
2) More people will be talking about the commercials than the game around the water cooler on Monday morning. (Does anyone actually stand around the water cooler and chit-chat at work?)
3) Why XLVI? Who uses Roman numerals
Enjoy Your Ride
by Jane Wangersky February 2nd, 2012 | Funny Pics, Humor
"$200 fine for smoking or vomiting in this vehicle"?
The limo company may find, as time goes by, that they have to expand the fine schedule a little, to add things like:
The limo company may find, as time goes by, that they have to expand the fine schedule a little, to add things like:
- $5 for getting into the vehicle while smelling of cigarette smoke
- $10 for telling jokes/stories likely to make other passengers vomit
- $12 for eating the air freshener
- $15 for spilling a Slurpee -- $17.50 if it contains red or green
- $75 for vomiting out the window and hitting the outside of the vehicle
- $100 for flicking your Bic (do people still say that?)
- $125 for chewin', $300 if you spit
- $1000 for getting into the vehicle
…His Lips Are Moving
by Ronald A. Rowe February 1st, 2012 | Giggle Chuckle Party, Humor
Keep this just between us, OK? I've discovered on my journey to the White House that 95% of Americans assume that most of what politicians say is complete crap. A recent fact check study found that Ron Paul was the most truthful of the Republican candidates - with a truth percentage of 50%!
So if the American people disbelieve everything politicians say then I've been going about this all wrong. So here's my latest press release:
As your next president, I will NOT:
So if the American people disbelieve everything politicians say then I've been going about this all wrong. So here's my latest press release:
As your next president, I will NOT:
- give every American family a new car
- appoint Lady Gaga to a cabinet post
- change the laws on abortion and immigration
Super Bowl Predictions
by Jane Wangersky January 31st, 2012 | Humor
Conan O'Brien says: "Patriots by 7. This is my pick for the Super Bowl. And for any future U.S. revolutionary wars."
Well, you're unlikely to find a team called the Redcoats. Maybe in Canada (though not Quebec).
Let's see what Princess the Camel predicts -- she's called five out of the last six Super Bowls correctly (slipping up once by favoring the Colts over the Saints -- maybe because they were animals?). Princess says it's the Giants!
All I'm going to predict is: A certain housing complex in Houston will not get robbed during the game. Last time
Well, you're unlikely to find a team called the Redcoats. Maybe in Canada (though not Quebec).
Let's see what Princess the Camel predicts -- she's called five out of the last six Super Bowls correctly (slipping up once by favoring the Colts over the Saints -- maybe because they were animals?). Princess says it's the Giants!
All I'm going to predict is: A certain housing complex in Houston will not get robbed during the game. Last time
